


His Heart, The Casualty of War

by Bittiface



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: BAMF Keith (Voltron), BAMF Lance (Voltron), Bonding Moments up the wazoo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Langst, M/M, Mourning, Post Season 8, Really slow..., RomComs in Space, Slow Burn, Writing by the seam of my pants, Writing while emotionally compromised, eventual Klance, klangst, probably, questionable science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-09-18 08:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16991547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bittiface/pseuds/Bittiface
Summary: Lance spends the years holding onto the past, and his family comes to the conclusion he needs help to face his grief head on. They call on an old friend to his rescue.---Lance goes to Space with Keith and the Blades to help the displaced in the universe, and heal the emotional wounds of war.





	1. Simplicity

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Season 8, but there was a lot that didn't get resolved. Things I wanted to see (Lance's dang sword), and heartache that HURTS MY SOUL. As such, I'll flex my creative muscles to explore one of the things that made my heart hurt the most, and see it resolved. I don't know how many chapters it'll take for me to get to what I want for this fic, but here we go anyway.
> 
> Plus, Lance always deserves more than he gets.
> 
> SEASON 8 SPOILERS obviously.

Simplicity. Lance hid within it as his heart struggled to find stability. Losing Allura. Saving all universes. Years of always fighting and skirting the line of close calls. There was violence, there was beauty, there was day after day of his heart ripping in two for every moment when it looked like all their efforts might fail. There was the building of hope in his heart, of love that grew and could blossom. Of love that was taken and crushed, with reminders of it written on the delicate marks under his eyes.

Simplicity was where Lance decided to fall back on. He'd wished and dreamed of exploring Space. He'd wished and dreamed of finding love.

Lance did those things.

Lance lost a lot of those things.

Once a year, he gathered with his friends on the New Altea, and he spread Allura's message. He reminisced with his old team. And he'd go back home, to a family filled with love and warmth, and a lifestyle that didn't see danger and violence that risked his life or those he cared for.

He'd had dreams. Dreams that froze over. Hope that stalled. But Lance's heart could mend. Slowly, slowly... his heart might mend.

\- - - 

Five years had passed. 

Rachel looked out the window of their quaint little kitchen, out into the field where her baby brother sat alone in the fields of Juniberry flowers. "I'm worried about him.." She murmured to her mother, humming on the other side of the kitchen as she prepared dinner. Their mother looked up to regard her younger daughter, staring fretfully out the aging window.

"Lance is still mourning.. these things don't resolve overnight." She assured her, turning back to the stew on the stove top.

"It's been years, Mom." Rachel argued, peeling herself from the window. "Lance surrounds himself in reminders of Allura.. he's.. He's hiding from his grief. This isn't healthy, Mom. He can't keep doing this to himself. Just look at him!" Her voice was wet with heartache and concern for her little brother, who looked less and less like the bright light of a boy he once was.

Their mother set down her spoon, an ache in her chest worming it's way throughout her soul. "I know.." She murmured back with a heavy sigh. "But we can't push him to face it."

Rachel's face went hard, staring down at a small communication device on the table. "Maybe we can..."

\- - -

Keith watched the darkness of space fly by through the screens of his vessel. He'd been so busy with his work as a relief officer, he'd not had a chance to catch up with his old team. Once a year pleasantries only did so much. He thought back again to the short communication he'd had with Earth. Lance's family had asked him over for help. Something about Lance needing the company.

It seemed off. Odd. But Lance was a dear friend, and he couldn't deny there was a certain wall there in the other man's eyes when they last talked. Keith took it as a quiet inner strength despite the pain of the past.

But maybe he was wrong. Maybe strength was only half of it.

Lance always had his back. Always, he'd been his strength, his compass to be better. He'd always been there to lift him up during times of uncertainty. Now, it looked like Lance might need him more than ever.

He wouldn't let his friend's heart be a casualty of war. He deserved better than that.

\- - -

"You... want me to go with you?" Lance looked up at Keith where he sat by an aging tree, the soft light of a foggy mid morning washing out the colours around him. Keith looked down, noticing the worn out blue of Lance's eyes. He looked older than he was, shouldering a grief that was given no room to breathe.

"Yeah." Keith knelt down until he sat alongside Lance, looking out at the plots of farm land the family tended to. Keith gave a soft smile. "It's very peaceful here, huh? I can see why you'd prefer to stay."

Lance nodded, looking down at the stem of a flower he'd worried between his fingers into a dishevelled state. "I've had enough of war. Of space. I needed to feel grounded."

"Well, consider yourself un-grounded. Time for a field trip. I'd like you to see what the Blades have accomplished." Keith felt an anxious bubble form un his gut. He was scared Lance would insist he stay here. He was scared for a lot of things.

Lance worried his lip, biting into chapped skin. "I dunno..." 

"Go." Rachel sat down suddenly in front of the pair, her hands firmly planted on her knees. "Hang out with your pretty little friend. Go see Space."

Keith ignored the pretty comment. Lance raised a brow. "I've seen plenty of space."

Rachel huffed indignantly, reaching out and flicking Lance's nose. "You've seen plenty of space while it's at war, and a once a year trip to a planet that reminds you of the worst pain of your life. Go, baby brother."

She frowned then, soft, her eyes pleading. "Please, Lance. Do this for me. Okay?"

Lance winced. He knew he was hiding from the brunt of his grief. But he didn't want to let go yet. He wanted to hold onto that wonderful feeling he'd had when Allura had been alive, and at his side.

He couldn't... he could not.. would not let go.

"Lance.." Keith murmured softly, placing a hand at Lance's back. "Don't think too hard about it now. Just spend a week with me and the blades. C'mon." He gave the man a smile, uncertain but hopeful. "Just us two. It'll be... fun?" 

Lance snorted. Keith, trying so hard to be sincere and empathetic.. and just being his awkward self in the end.

"Yeah. Okay." He relented after a short giggle fit. Keith wasn't too pleased it took having Lance laugh at him to get to this point but... progress, he supposed. The end justified the means.

Keith stood, offering his hand to Lance.

"Well? Pack up, Lance. It's time for a road trip."


	2. Under The Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith starts off their road trip with lunch on a familiar planet.

Lance supposed, after everything was said and done, he'd gotten what he wanted from day one. He'd been homesick for years, and wished for home. He now had his family again, all together. He'd pined for a beautiful alien princess, pined for love and to be part of something bigger than himself. He'd gotten that, even if in the end, that girl ended up as the casualty of a war spanning thousands of years. She'd saved them all. He was proud.

But he was also sad.

Lance softly ran his fingers over the chest of his borrowed Marmoran space suit. The ache, the tear in his heart.. it never got easier. Maybe it never would. But being out in space should be a breath of fresh air. Sort of. Not literally, because he sadly couldn't breathe in space. But still. 

He looked over at Keith piloting the ship they were on; a small ship that was more of a pod, really. He'd been quiet most of the flight. Keith was always quiet though, and although Lance would have loved to fill that silence with idle banter... he wasn't sure what to say. Besides.. he didn't have to pretend around Keith. He could let the walls down a little. He wouldn't feign delight and goofiness for the sake of appearances.

"How're you feeling?" Keith asked without looking to Lance, who flinched as if caught red handed.

"Um, ok?" He gave a smirk, and turned his attention back out to the view screen. "Or did you mean in general?"

Keith smirked, keeping his eyes on the figurative road ahead. "I meant at the moment."

"Oh. Well then, yeah. I'm okay. This is kinda neat, ya? Two buds, flying around in space. Good times." He waved his hands around theatrically to illustrate the point. 

"That's the idea." Keith remarked, navigating through a small asteroid belt. 

"Soooo. What's our first stop? Rations to the poor? Building new housing? Stage shows?" Okay, maybe Lance was trying a little too hard to be goofy. But it felt better just to lay it on a little thick. It was fun.

"Actually, we're gunna visit some friends of yours." Keith smirked, veering towards a cluster of planets.

"Really?" Why did Keith specify they were his friends only? Frowning in thought, Lance leered out the view screen to get a better look at the planet they were approaching. "Wait... isn't that?"

His heart lit up. 

Ahead of him was a planet covered in ice, shimmering and bright. He knew this planet. "The mermaids!? You're taking me to see the mermaids?" Lance grinned, looking over at Keith and leaning in nice and close. "Oh you _have_ to come with me down there."

Keith laughed despite himself, entering the pod into the atmosphere. "Yeah, I'll be joining you. It's no Altean pool, but I'm sure the swim will be good for me." Lance couldn't believe it. Keith was going to go swimming with mermaids. Yeah, this was shaping up to be the best day ever.

\- - -

Lance watched in amusement as Keith poked curiously at the bubble now surrounding his head. "How does this even work..?" He asked rhetorically, though Lance gave a shrug anyway. "Magic?"

Keith nodded. "Magic."

Lance grinned and swam down towards the now bustling city under the water, Keith alongside him. Mermaids were everywhere, as well as tourists also sporting the handy bubble helmets. Lance felt a bubbling warmth in his heart seeing the once small colony so alive and thriving with prosperity and wonder.

"It's even more amazing now then when I last saw it." Lance said with awe, slowly moving through lanes of shops and attractions. The young man practically squealed when he lifted up a shirt that had the planet's tag line on it. 'Safe and Warm'. That brought back memories. "We should get a bunch of these for your Marmora buddies!" Lance exclaimed.

Keith snorted. "Can you imagine Zethrid in that thing?" Lance busted out a laugh, holding his stomach to contain the mirth bubbling within. 

The pair stopped for lunch at Plaxum's bakery, where the mermaid herself shot out from the kitchen to greet her guests. "Paladin Lance!" She trilled happily, enveloping the man in an excited hug. She gave him a kiss on both cheeks before backing off slightly, her face awash with warmth and joy. "I'm so happy to see you here! You look so different! Come, come! Sit down! The meal's on the house!"

She swam back to the kitchen without waiting for a reply. Feeling a little sheepish about getting a free meal, Lance sat down opposite Keith at a table for two. 

The two of them stood out amongst the colour pallet around them. Two humans, sort of, dressed in dark colours. 

It felt fun and festive to be somewhere so different and diverse. It felt like a vacation. Or a party. "So~" Lance leaned on the table with one arm, moving his head closer to Keith. "You come here often?"

Keith raised a brow, his arms crossed loosely over his chest. "Are you hitting on me?"

"Pfft. Please. You'd know if I was hitting on you." Lance scoffed, leaning back and away again. "I'm a smooth operator. I make the ladies swoon."

"Oh yeah? But not the men, obviously. Otherwise I'm sure I'd be 'swooning' now, right?" Keith pointed out.

"I could!" Lance protested, slamming down a hand in mock outrage. "I'd make every man here in love with me with a snap of my fingers."

"Okay." Keith relented with a smug smirk. He raised a thick brow high up. "Show me, tough guy."

Lance stalled, his face suddenly burning a bit pink. "Um..." Keith snorted. Then laughed. A loud, amused laugh that caught the attention of a few nearby patrons. "Lance, lighten up. I'm kidding."

Lance groaned, sliding in his seat. "Don't get me all hot and bothered, dude. I'll catch cold down here!"

"What, you?" Keith smiled, always happy to see Lance be himself, even if he was flustered. Or maybe especially so. His bravado was fun, but sincere outbursts like this were a pleasure to witness. He'd always liked the sincere and open side of Lance. He just seemed more real and genuine. Like he wasn't pretending to be someone else.

Besides all that, he wasn't here to make Lance try and pick up women. Or men. He was trying to get Lance to live again. For himself, that is. He deserved that much.

"Former Paladins!" Plaxum swam out in a flourish, setting down a seashell bowl filled with delights. Keith wasn't sure how food worked down here. Wouldn't it be soggy? But Lance had said their food was amazing. He'd have to trust him on it. Anything better than nunville and food goo, he supposed. "Please enjoy!" She stood by expectantly, eyeing Lance in particular. She clearly wanted to know how much he'd like the food she carefully prepared.

Lance dug in. It was incredible! Plaxum had out done herself. Him and Keith went to town on the shared bowl, eating with a fervor that matched how they ate together back on the castle of lions.

God, he missed his team.

Missed their shared meals, their banter, the antics. Missed Shiro giving them all the hairy eyeball whenever they screwed around too much. 

He missed his Space Family.

Once a year meet ups didn't cut it. He needed a friend. One he saw on a more regular basis. Lance's face softened as he thought of this, a cathartic realization he only could have gotten here with Keith.

"We should probably do this more often." He murmured after their meal, letting their suit's boosters take them down the rows of shops. Keith looked over and took in the mix of emotions that seemed to play over the man's face. Something soft and hopeful, with something a little sad and longing.

Keith smiled warmly. "I think you're right."


	3. It's The Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Various moments while travelling with the Blades.

Chapter 3

Lance laughs into his hand, tears pooling in his eyes. Ever since he'd told Keith about the time the paladins had played Monsters and Mana with a fond smile, the other man had insisted Lance try and get together with friends to play it again. Lance had a better idea; that idea being making Keith and his space buddies play with him.

It had been his greatest idea of all time.

They stopped by Altea and kidnapped Coran, being none too stealthy about it. Now, in a meeting room on Daibazol, Lance, Coran, Keith, Ezor, Axca and Zethrid sat around a table playing the game. And Zethrid was throwing the most amusing tantrum Lance ever had the pleasure of witnessing.

Kolivan and Krolia had abstained from the activity, but were more than a little curious by Zethrid's screams that they'd come to investigate the commotion.

Zethrid had rolled a one, thereby failing to take down a dragon headed mongoose behemoth. The warrior kept insisting that dice couldn't keep her from ripping it's head off, taking her role in this game so seriously Lance was left pounding his fist on the table as he laughed himself into a stupor.

"It makes no sense!" She roared, as Ezor tried to placate her wife's tantrum with a back rub, but failing to look sincere through her own snorting laughter. "If this were real, nothing would keep me from killing it!"

Coran squirmed in his chair, trying to be more intimidating than he felt. "Well, that's the game! These are the rules. No dice, no head snapping!"

Zethrid roared and kicked a chair across the room, missing Kolivan's head by an inch. He didn't even flinch. Krolia merely raised a brow.

Keith watched all this with a fairly placid look, while Axca ignored it entirely as she planned out her own action for the next turn, her brow furrowed as she regarded the tablet with her character sheet.

Zethrid growled and sat down again, glaring daggers at the game board. "Lance's bard can sing about nonsense at a pack of thieves and render them useless, but I can't snap a dragon's neck in half?" 

Coran shrugged, not giving in to any who would try and tweak the rules of the game. Especially not former pirates with the patience of toddlers. The real treat was having her roll for the consequences of her failed attempts at beheading, and watching her flip her lid when her character's own head was bitten off by said dragon. The walls would be dented for months thanks to her reaction.

Lance's throat was going to be sore for weeks after all this laughing.

\- - -

"Stop biting your lip!" Lance's voice accosts from across the room. The two of them are the remainder of a team sorting supplies for a relief effort on a planet recently devastated by an impact from a small asteroid. Keith scoffs, sealing a large crate filled with perishables. 

"How is this important, Lance? You're as petty as ever." Lance takes pride in that, actually. Smirks to himself as he hoists himself on top of a large metal crate filled with what he assumed was seeds or something. "You're destroying your lips. They're the most sensitive exposed skin on the body! More than the face!"

Keith groaned, leaning against a wall and levelling Lance with a glare. "Yeah? So? I don't care."

"I do!" Lance waved his arms up in a huff. "It's a crime!"

Keith snorted, shaking his head. "Too bad. You can't stop me. Besides, how else do I get the dead skin off? It's annoying."

"Lip. Balm." Lance emphasized those words with full emphasis. "I packed extra. I'll give you some. Use. It. Mullet."

Speaking of mullets, that hair was definitely not a mullet anymore. Keith was rocking a badass ponytail that made him look way more tough and manly than was fair. Ruggedly pretty shouldn't be possible. That asshole.

"Whatever, Farm Boy." Keith said with a sharp grin.

\- - -

Keith regrets everything. Bringing Lance out with the Blades was the most idiotic thing he'd ever done in his life.

Lance fucking Mcclain.. was singing and dancing on the tops of the recently emptied crates, all for the large crowd of refugees down below; like some drunk at a concert. Somehow, he'd assumed Lance was too broken and complacent to revert to goofball showboater. He was wrong. He should be ashamed that the man was doing this while wearing their uniform..

But the happy and mirthful cheering from the dishevelled refugees pushes that shame away.

"Thank you, Galvanta!!! I'm here all night!!" He blows kisses to a gaggle of apparent fangirls, making their blue faces blush in a sparkling hue. Zethrid stares with obvious amusement. Ezor cheers along with everyone else. Axca looks on in deadpan, "What an idiot." She mutters with a sigh.

Keith smiles. "Yeah, he is." The regret is gone.

\- - -

"So. How's it feel?" Keith asked over coffee, a delicacy brought over from Earth as they visited Daibazol again. Lance looked over the rim of his mug, raising his brow. "How's what feel?"

"Being on the field again. Helping people." Keith was curious, wondering if Lance's quiet life on Earth was really what the man wanted. "You were so gung ho about being the best pilot out there and seeing Space."

Lance chuckled, leaning back in his chair and lifting his feet onto Keith's lap. "I was a kid, dude. Besides.. Those were a rough few years. Now, I don't have to be apart from my family, and the quiet atmosphere is really nice."

Keith scoffed, "You're becoming an old man. You're not even thirty yet. Don't turn into Shiro."

Lance laughed aloud at this, setting his mug down so he didn't accidentally spill. "Don't you know, Keith? Me and him founded the Early Retirement club. We meet on weekends and argue about kids these days."

Keith visibly winced. "No. Please. Lance.. just don't even joke about that."

"I'm teaching him to knit, Keith."

"NO!"

He was too scared to ask of Lance was kidding.

\- - -


	4. Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night time moment of tears and reflection.

Keith finds Lance one night staring out the window of their vessel, at the vast expanse of space outside. It's spotted with colours of stars, washes of gases and littered with light. Keith smiled serenely at it, but frowned when he got a better look at Lance. He looked older, his eyes wet, his brows pinched together. 

Keith softly laid a hand on his friend's shoulder, earning a slight flinch from the other man. "Hey." Keith murmured, "What's wrong?"

He knew already what was wrong, but it was better if Lance said so himself. He could see him struggling with it, edging on whether or not to fess up, or wave a hand and make a joke to dismiss him.

But Lance sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "I miss her, Keith."

He already knew, but hearing Lance's voice, quiet and pained, hits harder than he thought. It takes the floor out from under him, puts rocks in his stomach and sends him hurtling into an ocean. He can't help him with this. He can't solve this deep rooted grief that resides in Lance's heart. He can drag him across the universe, but he'll never outrun the truth of reality. This reality, one where...

Keith wasn't sure if anything he could do would be right. If it would be ok. But he needed to do something. Keith reached out, softly putting his arm around Lance's shoulder and bringing him in a little closer. 

"I know." He murmured, gripping him a little tighter as he felt the jittery tension under his hand. And then he heard it, the floodgates coming apart. Lance had been trying valiantly to contain his tears for the sake of his pride and dignity, but they fell, and Keith was prepared to catch them.   
His half hug became a whole one, clutching Lance as he started to cry in earnest. Keith tried to keep his own sadness out of it. This was about Lance, not him. But he too knew what loss felt like, even if it was very different. Losing a father at a young age had been hard, and carried with him for ages. Loss was loss.  
He'd grown up since the closed off kid he was when they'd first found the Blue Lion. He knew sadness and happiness, while on far ends of the spectrum, were both better off shared. He wouldn't allow Lance to cry alone, even if he himself hardly ever let himself cry at all. That was just Keith. This was Lance.

"It's okay.." He murmured over and over, trying to assure Lance of any insecurity he might have about feeling the way he did, years after the fact. Because what happened to Lance wasn't okay; but the feelings he had were justified and natural. It was okay to cry, even if Keith never did.

Lance himself was overcome with many of the horrid emotions that always swam inside his heart. Missing Allura, her bright love becoming a bittersweet sting. The bitterness he felt of having gained love, only to have it taken away so suddenly. At least he'd gotten to say goodbye... At least there was that...

At some point they settled on the floor, Keith letting Lance work through his emotions beside him. 

"Maybe you should start talking, Lance." Keith murmured after a while. "No more jokes. No more shrugs. I know you're getting by... I know you haven't given up, and that's brave and strong of you." He breathed in slowly, trying not to overwhelm Lance with too much. Words were always hard for Keith, but many conversations he'd had with Hunk and Shiro had grown him into someone who was able to navigate the convoluted landscape of thoughts to words.

"But it's okay to feel negative. Just... let me in." Yes, please, he thought. He wanted Lance to be honest with him again, just like he'd started to way back when they still had the castle. 

"I.." Lance's voice sounded raw and hoarse. It sounded physically painful. He sniffed through a stuffed nose, and brushed off the wetness on his cheeks. "I tried so hard.. for so many things. I wanted to be the best pilot. I wanted to be better than you. I wanted the pretty princess who had more integrity and strength than I ever thought possible. And I tried." His voice was still wet, and despite efforts to dry his face, more tears trailed down raw and red cheeks. 

"I thought I had it. I thought all that pain, all that hard work.. all that effort paid off. Allura accepted me.. she was with me. I was so _happy_ , Keith." 

He lifted his chin bravely, despite the tightness in his lips to keep his feelings down. "I'd always missed home while we were part of Voltron. Every time I thought about how I couldn't just go see them, I'd cry. It hurt. I thought that had been the worst..."

"Keith.. this is the worst. There is no reality where Allura is alive. She deserves to be alive. She saved everyone.. so what did she get for it?" His voice broke, and he couldn't speak anymore. Keith was sure he had more to say, but the pain and intensity of his emotions got the better of him. 

"She's alive Lance. Not here by your side but... alive." Keith wasn't sure if it was ok to be doing this. He wasn't sure if he was going to say the right things. But he had to try. "In our memories. In your heart. In the stars themselves."

_We're all made of the same cosmic dust._

"She's out there, Lance. And if I were her? I wouldn't want to see you so miserable over me, if I'd given up a future to make sure everyone else had one." He couldn't imagine such bravery, save for when he himself nearly flew into a Galran weapon for the sake of a very important battle. But that had been adrenaline. That had been desperation. How had Allura done it so calmly?

"I know you're hurting. But there's a future for you out here, Lance. There's a future where you're happy, even if Allura isn't here."

Lance sniffs indignantly, again trying to regain some composure. "I am happy." He mourns miserably. 

Keith has to laugh, but tries not to be too awful about it. "You're goofy. You're withstanding. But happy?" Complacency was on the tip of Keith's tongue. But he was trying to hold back. It wasn't his place to say who Lance was. What he was. What he felt. He knew the man was an adult, and he knew Lance was capable of carrying himself up on his own. But he needed a push this time.

"I love my family." He murmurs then, holding his arms to himself, Altean marks refracting light from the room's glow into his wet eyes. "I love Kaltenecker and all her little mini Kalteneckers. I love early mornings in the flower fields. I'm surrounded by everything I love. I'm happy."

"Lance..." Keith is at a loss. He knew this wouldn't be simple; asking Lance to try and move past this. But now he was doubting himself. It was awfully smug of him to assume he knew what Lance needed; arrogant to think that maybe Lance wasn't living life to his standards. Maybe Lance truly was happy. Maybe his family had been wrong. Maybe he himself had been wrong.

"I want my friend back."

The words that left Keith's mouth felt alien; outside his control. As if he'd thought them, not said them. But he had, because Lance looked over at him, eyes wide with surprise. "What?"

Keith fidgeted. He wasn't sure why he's said what he said, but he'd have to figure it out real soon. 

"I.. don't mean that you should change who you are now.. or that you ever have to get over these feelings.. I just..." What? What is it that itches under his skin? Makes him so uneasy? 

"I miss racing you into sand dunes head first. I miss giving you a hard time. Competing with you. I miss the ridiculous Lance that I saw on that planet yesterday." 

Lance wasn't sure what Keith meant. But he wanted to take his concerns seriously. He looked down from Keith's sullen face, and worried at his fingers, fidgeting in thought. "I'm just trying to keep Allura alive in my own way." Lance admits after a moment.

"And you have." Keith says, his heart clenching with the admittance from Lance. Lance is so much more than the short time he had with Allura to be building his whole world around her. He was so much more than the bittersweet lifestyle he'd settled into. He'd been growing up to be a strong support, a strong leader even. Keith respected Allura, he respected her sacrifice. But this... "She lives on through you, Lance; and you're keeping her alive. All that she did will be remembered. But, Lance.."

Keith heaved a broken sigh, looking to lock gazes with Lance, 

"Who's gunna keep _your_ legacy alive?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don't write ship fics, but I really wanted to try my hand at it. So this will probably have a slightly Klance-ish tone to it, but I'm still not sure if I want to turn it fully romantic or not. I respect the pairing as equals and friends, and I worry adding romance to it makes their in canon friendship seem less valid? 
> 
> I myself am Aro-Ace, and I don't feel romantic/love for others, and often I find myself feeling miffed when a decent friendship is on media I like, and everyone says OBVS THEY WANNA DO THE DEED YO. Cause it invalidates platonic love, to me sometimes. 
> 
> That being said, I do read a lot of ship stuff, lots of Klance, Shance and a mix of the two. SO I hope to have romantic stuff happen in this fic, without overplaying it. 
> 
> Because I believe it's important for two male characters to be able to be sincere and vulnerable with each other, and be strong friends, without romance being the main reason.
> 
> WE'LL SEE HOW I DO
> 
> Thanks for the comments and Kudos thus far <3 It makes me feel happy and smile!
> 
> ALSO I'm working on a sequel to Amygdala! Look out for it!


	5. Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart to Hearts
> 
> -
> 
> I proofread this only once or twice as opposed to like 3 or 4 times.

There was a pregnant pause between himself and Keith. The words of the latter lingering and permeating in the air between them.

"Well.." Lance breathed out, his gaze unfocused for a moment. _Who's gunna keep your legacy alive?_ He lived for himself for his whole life. It was always about the glory. Glory, attention, fame. But once he had love, he didn't need those anymore. And after the war, all the battles and heart ache behind, he just wanted to return to something simple and warm.

"What.. legacy?" He murmurs, brows furrowed. Keith feels his heart sting at the honest struggle Lance seems to have with this. Sure, Lance didn't turn his essence into the stabilizer of all universes, but he was a mighty Paladin, a sincere and genuine soul, a bright and colourful light, and amazingly resilient and brave.

Keith breathes in stiffly, trying to navigate this tricky cliff that is mending the gap here.

"I just mean you, Lance. You and everything you are. You've dedicated your life to others for years now. I guess that's a legacy all it's own." He sighs, wishing he hadn't used the L word, finding it to be a bit heady and difficult to define here.

"I don't expect you to revert into the attention seeking goofball from when you were a teenager. But I wanna see light in those eyes of your again. Because I know it's there. I want you to live in the present, and a little bit less in the past. The here and now. I know you can do it."

Lance's gaze drifts down from Keith's open and earnest eyes. His heart is hammering in his chest. So much focus is being put on him. Keith is dipping into his soul, swirling it around. Lance feels agitated somehow..

"O-okay. I um.. Think I get what you're saying." He gives Keith a somber look, no fake smiles or waves of a dismissive hand. "I'll try."

And that's all he can do.

\- - -

"Please don't mind the Volcano. It's eruption season, so she's a little volatile this week." The chieftain says with an exuberant smile, unfazed by the sudden explosion miles away, and a row of houses on fire in the near distance. "Fruit?"

Keith and Lance stare down at the basket of crispy looking fruits being offered, and feeling slightly upended by the chieftain's nonchalance about his planet exploding once a season. They both give a strained smile, holding up their hands to try and decline the polite offering.

"N-no thanks." Keith says, "So, if the Volcano isn't main reason why you called.. then what is the issue? The blades are here for your people. Supplies? Support?"

The chieftain nods, setting aside the basket of over fried fruits. "Yes! We're normally well prepared for Fire Season. But an underground breach has left our spare food stores burnt into toast!"

Ah, so that explained the ember roasted fruit platter... Unless that was just a thing they did here.

"Are you sure you guys don't wanna just.. I don't know, take a vacation on a non-exploding planet?" Lance, ever the peace maker, seemed to be having a sudden urge to flee back to the mermaid planet. Keith didn't blame him.

"It's a big planet, Lance. I don't think they can just evacuate every time the volcanos lose their tops." Keith's dry delivery of those words made Lance snort, slapping a hand over his mouth to contain his laughter. Keith wasn't sure what was so funny.

"Yes, you're right. Besides, as I said before; normally we're all well prepared for this. It's very rare that our underground stores become compromised."

"Really?" Lance asks, settling down. "What about Earthquakes? Lava flow? That stuff never gets in there?"

The chieftain shakes his head. "No. Perhaps the planet is a bit more unstable than normal." This was alarming, but neither Lance or Keith were geologists. They had no expertise on the what, how or why of a planet's stability. 

"Well, the Blades will help." Keith said with confidence. "We can get in touch with some of our allies. I know for a fact there is fire proof storage units available. They can help keep your rations safe from future harm."

"Thank you!" 

They part ways, Keith and Lance heading back to their ship to send out the request to high command. Lance thought to himself, wondering about the longevity of this planet; how its people had survived all this time, and whether the intensified volcanic activity was a pre-cursor to doom. "What'ya do in situations like this, Keith?" He asked after voicing his worries.

Keith gave a solemn nod. "Well, I'm not a diplomat or whatever. I just help people. I give them what they need to move on. I try and make them feel at home when they've been displaced. I just wanna bring stability to those that need it."

He offers Lance a short smile from over his shoulder. "I try and keep it simple. They ask for aid, and I give it."

Lance hummed in response, crossing his arms as he followed Keith up into their vessel. "I guess overthinking it just packs on the stress, eh?" He gives a light smirk, leaning against a chair as Keith sits at the computer, inputting the inventory request. 

"Pretty much. If this planet is dying or becoming inhabitable, it's the choice of those that live here to ask us for further aid. They know their planet better than we do. Besides, I don't have access to any technology that can put bandaids on an entire planet." Keith's eye lids were low over his eyes, focused downward at the small screen he was reading. Dark hair falling slightly out of place over his brows, lashes thick and eyes bright from the reflection of the screen.

Lance looked away, scratching his cheek and burying whatever weird fixation he was picking up with Keith's appearance. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

\- - -

Before he knew it, a week had been up. Lance blinked away the realization as Keith asked him if he was ready to go. It was odd. He thought he'd be anxious to get back home. To see his family, to tend to the fields of flowers, to pet all the cows. 

Lance didn't want to go home; and he felt guilty for it.

"Uh, yeah.." Lance furrowed his brows, looking over the small bag of belongings he'd never touched the whole time he was out here. 

"C'mon then. There's a wormhole scheduled to go up in about a varga."

Keith started to walk away, looking back when he reached the threshold of Lance's room. But Lance hadn't moved. He looked locked in place, worriedly looking at his bag still sat slumped on the floor. "Lance?" Keith took two steps back into the room. "You okay?"

Lance looked back over at Keith, trying to paint a smile on his face. "Yeah! Sorry. I'm coming."

Keith felt maybe he might be pushing his own hopes into the equation, but it was almost like Lance was hesitant to leave. His chest roiled with uncertainty and hope. He took a chance.

"Y-you know. You could stay out here a little longer, if you'd like.." Keith coughed into his hand, looking out at the view screen that served as a faux window, his fingers reaching back to tighten his ponytail. "I could use the comp----help. I could use the help." Oh no, what was happening? He was getting flustered around Lance. A full grown adult, and he felt like he was fifteen again. 

Lance wasn't sure how to take Keith's sudden nervous behaviour. The guy tended to be a dictionary definition of confident and put together, especially nowadays. He hesitated some more, worriedly glancing at his bag. His family might worry, right? What if something happened because he chose to stay away for another week?

"I..." He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay... His heart was warring with himself. A fear that pulled him both directions; a tug of war of indecision. He looked back up at Keith, who was staring intently at a spot on the wall. Lance felt something calm inside him. He wanted to spend more time with Keith.

"Yeah. I mean, sure. I mean well.." Lance also cleared his throat, some sort of attempt at manly indifference that didn't suit him at all. "The week went by so fast. And I think I kinda sorta missed space a little? All the people to meet, all the worlds to see. The food still sucks, but the company is definitely worth it." Okay, maybe he was admitting more than he wanted to. He felt flustered. Giddy. Something exciting and vibrating in his chest. He felt his cheeks warm considerably.

Keith let out a breath, smiling in mirth as Lance prattled on.

"I'm glad to hear it." Lance took in that warm, happy smile and felt the proverbial floor give way underneath him. 

"Cool!" He squeaked, coughing again and running a hand over his hair. "Awesome. SO! Where to?"

Keith grinned. "Anywhere we want."


	6. Allura's Last Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions raised about Lance's Altean features, and an adventure in space gone awry.

Chapter 6

Rachel ended the call, a smile on her lips, eyes wet with tears. She looked out the window, up into the dark sky awash with stars. "Atta boy, baby brother."

\- - -

His family knew he wouldn't be back for a while. He'd let them know of his change of plans, his change of heart. Maybe he wasn't as done with Space as he thought. Besides, he felt better knowing he always had the option of going home. In this peaceful reality, where the people were relatively free, he could come and go without risking the safety of Earth.

Yes. His heart felt a little lighter. 

With Hunk always busy with his empire, Pidge holed up at the Garrison.. Lance was few on friends. But he had Keith now, and it felt so much more natural than he ever could have imagined.  
Keith wasn't goofy like Hunk, but he had his own brand of snarky humour, and a strange innocence that endlessly amused him. Who in the Universe couldn't manage a simple team chant, after all? Classic Keith.

During the war, he'd grown to value and respect Keith as a confidant and partner. Now, being in his company made his heart feel warm, and his soul feel light and giddy. He wasn't really sure what to make of it, but part of him was a little bit scared of it.

"They're glowing again." Keith murmured as he sat down beside Lance, handing him a quick lunch before launching to another location. Lance furrowed his brows, taking the sandwich and using his other hand to lightly trace the edges of his markings. 

"Weird." He shrugged, taking a large bite of his meal. 

"Why do they do that?" Keith pushed, curious to know what those markings truly entailed; a momento, a link, or perhaps something else? They'd glowed when the Blue Lion took off all those years ago, but Keith hadn't seen Lance often enough to know what it meant.

"I have no idea. I don't feel it happening.. for all I know they glow when I'm hungry." He joked, grinning at Keith over the edge of his food. Keith was less than impressed with his answer, but let it slide anyway. Lance was smiling, and his facial expression had been a fond one when the marks had begun to glow. That was good enough for him.

They finished their lunch and headed inside their craft, suits on and ready for business.

"Wanna drive?" Keith asked, standing beside the pilot's seat. Lance blinked, looking up at Keith. "Me? You sure these things don't bite anyone not Galra?"

Keith tried not to heave an impatient sigh. He failed.

"No, Lance. C'mon." Keith slid into the passenger seat, giving Lance no choice but to sit his ass down in the pilot's chair. He looked over the controls in mild confusion. "All these screens are Galra. I can't read'em." 

"Not important. C'mon, you piloted an Altean Lion built with magic. You can drive a boring old cruiser."

"Uh, read MAGIC Lion." Lance countered, but took hold of the controls. After some coaxing and short explanations from Keith, Lance had the thing up and out of the hanger. 

It was nice to fly, although anything paled in comparison to the lions. But he'd never trade this universe wide peace for a joy ride in Red or Blue. They'd been bittersweet times, but that age was behind him. 

"Would it kill these Galra guys to invent music out here? What I wouldn't give for a radio." Keith snorted at Lance's bemoaning, leaning back in his own seat. "You don't wanna hear what passes for music out here, Lance. Trust me."

"Oh? So what kinda music do you like, Keith? In fact, what do you do for fun out here?"

Keith furrowed his brows. "Um.. fun?" 

Lance looked over with the most disgruntled facial expression Keith had seen on Lance in a long time. "For real? I know you're a workaholic, but surely you get your kicks out of more than just knives and training?" 

Keith twisted his mouth at this, feeling a little bit defensive. "Those are valid things to get excited about." He said as calmly as he could. "And keep your eyes on the road."

"What road, Wonder Boy? We're in spa---GUGH!" Sure enough, he ran right into a passing asteroid, knocking the ship slightly off coarse. He peeked over at Keith while wearing a sheepish expression. Keith looked back, incredulous.

"Okay. Fair." Lance grumbled, sinking in his seat and putting their craft back on track. Distraction was apparently something he still succumbed to in spades. Being an adult who owned a farm didn't magically rid him of his flippant attention span.

"Sssooooo~" Lance clucks his tongue, thinking of ways to fill the otherwise comfortable silence they'd been enjoying. Or rather Keith had been enjoying. The man smiled to himself, having wondered how long it would take Lance to started babbling. "Does it ever get dangerous out here? I know the big bad war is over. No more crazy witches destroying realities.. but like.. are the Warlords still a problem? I've been a little out of the loop."

Keith chuckled and crossed his arms, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. "The last few years have seen a sharp decrease in Warlord activity. Most of them were taken down the first year or two thanks to the Coalition and the Blades. Most of the battles out here are just fights between clans or planets within some solar systems."

"Ah, so it's like Earth? Squabbles between countries, or like neighbours fighting over where the property line ends?"

"Something like that." 

"And you guys get in between that?" 

Keith shook his head. "No. Or at least we try not to. It's not until we get a distress signal, or witness innocent civilians getting caught in the crossfire. We're mainly a relief organization." Keith tilted his head in thought, "Why? Are you worried?"

"No! Nope. No, I'm good." Lance fell silent, his shoulders tense. Keith waited him out. "Okay maybe a teeny tiny bit worried."

"Really? You were an amazing soldier, Lance. And I've been at this for years." 

"Yeah, yeah. All great points." Lance agreed, shifting in his seat. "Just, yanno... if we suddenly get attacked by pirates, I'd like to be in the know."

Keith sighed, "We won't get attacked by pirates Lance. Relax. Everything is going to be fine."

\- - -

It wasn't pirates or warlords. No. It was a killer space whale. Lance thought Weblums were intimidating. But this thing? This thing was out for blood. "What'd we do to piss this guy off!?" Lance shrieked, twisting and turning the vessel to avoid beams of piping hot energy blasts coming from the creature's throat. Keith manned the defence system, aiming the rear blasters to try and ward the creature off. 

"I don't wanna die like this!" Lance shrieked, nearly clipping an asteroid as he weaved through a debris field. "Keep piloting like this and we will!" Keith argued back, his stomach churning with every sudden dip and turn. "Don't passenger seat pilot me, Keith! You put me here!" He yelped again as a large ship sized rock found its way into his path, ducking the craft down and under it. The whale pummelled straight through it.

"What is that thing MADE of!?" 

"Lance, we're never gunna outrun this thing. We need a wormhole."

"I'm not made of wormholes!"

"You're kind of Altean now. Can't you try?"

"Coran can't make them, why would I be able to? He's been Altean for over ten thousand years, and I've had permanent blue glow-in-the-dark stickers on my face for, like, six!"

They both grunted as their ship took a direct hit from the Whale's latest attack. "Our blasters have gone offline. Lance--"

"I know I know I know!" Lance felt panic build in his chest, the adrenaline the only power source keeping him from dropping all pretence of control. Focus, he thought. Be one with the energy Allura left behind. She must have done it for a reason. Maybe it wasn't just a goodbye present.

He let himself dig through his energy, connecting to threads similar to the bond he'd had with his lions. He breathed in slowly, out slowly. The vibrations of the craft nothing but background noise.

Keith gasped. Lance opened his eyes.

A wormhole greeted them a few clicks ahead. Lance had no time to question it or celebrate. "Here goes nothing!"

They flew through.


	7. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith seek answers, and what they find leaves Lance feeling more alien than ever.

"Lance.. what WAS that?"

"Uh, pretty sure that was a wormhole, genius."

"No, yes.. I got that part, asshole." Keith blew air from his lips, running a hand over his head. They'd just escaped a killer space whale, and apparently Lance was gaining the ability to summon wormholes without a teleduv. 

"How did you even do it?"

"I don't freaking know! You _asked_ me to!" Lance shrieked, arms up in the air for emphasis. "I just... meditated, and tried to connect with the universe like I used to do with Blue and Red?"

Keith let that sink in. Lance took his silence as an opportunity to chill out after their near death experience, leaning back in his chair and staring out into space.

"Not even Allura could do that without using the teleduv. Just what are you now?"

Lance flinched, looking over at Keith with hurt knit into his brows. Keith grimaced. "I.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." His stomach clenched, physically wounded to witness Lance looking so pained from only words.

"It's okay." Lance murmured. Keith looked his friend's hands. They seemed to be shaking. 

"I can take the wheel." Keith offered, switching spots with Lance. With trepidation lingering in both their minds, the ship was moving once more. 

"Maybe we should see someone about.. those marks." Keith knew he was walking on brittle ground here. But it was important to work this out. He was still unsure if those markings were just something added on to Lance, or if they went deeper. Normal people didn't make wormholes out of thin air. The technology had become more attainable, but that was an entirely different set of rules. 

Lance swallowed hard, wringing his hands together in his lap. "Like who? There's no more fully fledged alchemists since Haggar killed the Guardian."

Keith can't argue with that. He flips a few switches and looks over data pooling into his navigation system. "Let's see where that wormhole of yours took us."

And there in front of them as they flew closer, was New Altea. Keith gave Lance a murky look. Lance for his part shrugged.

"I dunno, man. I just thought Safety, and here we are."

"Guess we're visiting Coran."

\- - -

"A wormhole!?" Coran spat in alarm, spilling tea from his desk onto the floor. Flailing is a hazardous gesture in an office. "How did you manage that!?"

Lance was going to try and guess, but Coran inhaled suddenly and walked around the desk to meet them face to face. "Allura gave you those marking, correct?"

"Uh.. yeah. I mean, I didn't just wake up Altean one day." He muttered a little petulantly as Coran moved his face close to his own. The older man narrowed his eyes as he took in the light blue markings on Lance's cheekbones. 

"I have a theory, but I'd like to do a few scans first, just to line up the facts." Coran said after a moment. He led the boys through grand hallways and down a set of stairs into a vast and immaculate lab. 

Lance sits down at one of the stations as Coran urges one of the Altean scientists to aid him with the scans. Keith leans against a dormant machine and just observes.

"So uh," Lance coughs, clearly uncomfortable with all this clinical atmosphere, "Can't you just tell me your theory while you do scans?"

"Techinically." Coran says, but never elaborates. He and the scientist scan him over, pooling over data and looking at a blue silhouette of Lance's body on the screen. Lance peers over their shoulder, pursing his lips and raising a brow. 

"Lance, are you actually _checking out_ your body scan?" Keith asks, bewildered.

Lance grins. "What a handsome digital dude, I am."

Coran pours over the information, stroking his moustache as he thinks and ponders. "Lance, put this on." He shoves a mind meld device on his head, and then proceeds to push him towards a window. Lance balks, complaining about being gentle on the merchandise.

"Now!" Coran announces, pointing to the bright blue sky. "Try and make a wormhole! I won't get accurate data on the event if the scans can't pick it up."

Lance furrowed his brow, his body language coming off a little bit uncertain and not so confident. "Uhh.. It was a fluke, yanno? I-I dunno if I can make it happen again..."

"No worries, Lance! Just give it a shot. Imagine Earth!"

Lance breathed in slowly, his breath coming in shaky. All eyes on him. He looked to Keith, a dark shadow leaning against the bright white walls. Keith shrugged. Lance didn't feel any more confident from the man's indifference now than he did before. Maybe less.

He turned away and huffed, closing his eyes and focusing instead on that energy he'd reached out to before. His face felt warm. He thought of Earth.

Gasps.

Lance opened his eyes out to the view outside, and there on the other side of a sudden wormhole, was Planet Earth. Lance blinks, limbs shaking, amazed at what he was seeing. It wasn't easy to make by any means, but he did it. He did this.

 _What are you_ , Keith had asked. _What am I indeed._ Lance had spent a good chunk of his life knowing with certainty and confidence who and what he was. He spent years in space relearning what and who he was as a Paladin. He spent years after losing Allura once again coming to terms with the universe and his own life. 

Who is he? What is he? Lance doesn't know. And he's scared.

Keith pushed himself from the wall he'd made his buddy, walking towards Lance, ignoring Coran and the scientists tittering over the screens of data.

"Lance." He murmured, gently resting his hand on the man's shoulder. Lance flinched, looking over his shoulder at Keith. Lance looked so lost. Frightened. "Are you okay?" Keith finally asked, his focus entirely on the swimming emotions filtering through tense blue eyes.

"I don't know." Lance answered honestly.

Coran gathered them back to the technician station. Lance sat down heavily, as if his body was out of alignment. Keith sat carefully beside him, keeping a close eye on his friend.

Coran clapped his hands, eyes dancing with wonder. "Lance, after going over the data, it appears those markings Allura gave you, have a connection to the heart of all universes."

Lance gazed up at Coran, his human mind having trouble comprehending this information pertaining to his body. A body he used to know so well. A body that didn't feel like his own anymore.

"What?" He asked hoarsely, his head feeling heavy, his mind swirling as if it lost it's tethers to the foundation of his existence. 

Coran breathed in, somewhat reading the tension in Lance's tone, but mostly the deep concern Keith seemed to have over Lance, his dark gaze never leaving the dark skinned boy. He took a step back, reigning in his excitement to try and put all this information to them more delicately.

"Well. In the same way each of you had a bond to the eternal energy that existed in your lions, Lance now has that connection to an energy source that can only be the deep and powerful connections between all universes. Creating a wormhole takes a lot of energy, as you both know from watching Allura power the castle of lions. For one single being to create them with no access to a teleduv..."

Yes, Keith understood all this, from a scientific standpoint. He wasn't sure Lance could, as the boy threw a fit whenever Hunk or Pidge used too many words that required a specialized dictionary to better understand. But he felt that probably wasn't the reason the other man looked so uprooted.

"Hey, Coran? I think we'll stay the night. Do you mind if me and Lance turn in?"

Coran blinked, looking out at the mid day sky. "Certainly. But um... Lance?" He pointed at the still hovering wormhole outside. Lance jumped a bit, mumbling an apology and closing his eyes. His markings glowed, and after a moment of deep concentration, the wormhole was gone.

The three of them were silent. The air seemed to still. Hearts seemed to stop. This was all very, very big. Very disconcerting. 

Lance lifted his gaze, blue eyes swimming, skin paling. Keith had never seen him look so bad.

"I don't feel so good." He croaked, not quite eloquently.


	8. Bleeding Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coran speaks science at two boys who'd rather play rugby. Keith has deep thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a cold. Mourn my nose skin!!! Have a chapter on me.

Chapter 8

Lance looked awful. Keith laid a hand on his shoulder, keeping the man from listing to the side. "Coran? What's happening to Lance? Why does he look so sick?" Keith asked with urgency in his tone. He felt like his heart would implode with worry.

"Well, we did just discuss that Lance has been accessing the infinite energy of the universe through a link implanted into his very DNA, didn't I? I feel like I mentioned that part." Coran twirled his moustache as a technician took the mind meld device away from Lance. Said former farmer looked like he was about to pass out or throw up. Maybe both. 

Keith stared at the man like he'd grown a third head. "Uh.. yeah, you sort of mentioned that. But why does he look sick?"

Coran blinked, as if he didn't understand where the gap in his explanation was. "Well.." He started slowly, as if needing to explain himself to a small child. "Lance is _human_. Given powers meant for an _Altean_. Alteans have longer lives? Are more atune to magic? Have genetics that evolved for several thousand generations longer than humans?"

Again, Keith remained stationary with non-understanding. Lance swayed by his side, barely listening.

Coran sighed heavily, shoulders hunching. It was always so much easier to make Hunk or Pidge understand things without much effort. He forgot these two boys in particular were a little slow on the uptake, as far as science went. They were more action than words. Maybe that's why they got along so well.

"He's _tired_ , Keith." Coran explained plainly, shoulder slumped. "Imagine running at the speed of light with your puny human physiology? Not possible. And if somehow made possible by injecting an alien life force into your genetics, it would snap your bones!" He snapped his fingers for emphasis. "His DNA has changed, so he's able to access an unthinkable amount of energy from the cosmos, and channel it through those markings to create wormholes. Sort of how Allura channelled the castle's power through the teleduv. But his human side would burn out after creating just one. I'm surprised he isn't dead!"

Coran said this last part with so much cheery nonchalance that Keith almost didn't choke on the prospect. The prospect of Lance spitting blood and dying from trying to save them from alien whales gave Keith emotional whiplash.

"Oh." Keith mumbled, the fabric of his understanding feeling frayed and worn out. "Okay." He gave Lance a wary look, but the young man was levelling a look at Coran that bordered on nauseated.

Coran nodded, a perky smile once again gleaming on his face. "Right! I'll show you to your rooms, then."

\- - -

Lance may not be dead, but he almost looked it. 

Keith sat at the edge of Lance's bed, looking at the drained pallor of Lance's skin as the man rested beneath plush blankets. When he'd taken Lance into space for a new outlook on life? This really wasn't what he had in mind. Guilt began to dig around in his heart. He'd not meant to add another layer of complication to Lance's life. He'd only meant to brighten it. Maybe he should have kept his clumsy hands out of Lance's heart. He was just no good at being a friend, it seemed.

Keith sighed heavily. It was much too early to sleep, but sitting here and watching Lance look like a corpse wasn't doing him any favours. 

Coran said Lance would have died in most scenarios he'd ran. He'd probably stay asleep for a long time yet. Keith hated waiting. He needed to do something. He needed some semblance of control in a situation he felt helpless in. 

"I dragged you out here, and this is what happens." Keith murmured to himself, a sense of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. "As if you haven't been through enough."

Keith laid himself across the foot of the large bed, staring up at the ceiling. "It was presumptuous of me to think you weren't happy living a simple life. I just assumed... I thought you wanted more. I thought you might be more like me."

He remembered all the showboating Lance had done in the years he'd known him. After a while, it had become a little obvious that a lot of it was just poor attempts at making people like or respect him more. When really, all Lance had to do was be himself. It was easy to like the guy when he wasn't pushing all your buttons or getting in your face. When the guy put his ego aside, he was downright pleasant. And over the last few years, he'd been exactly that.

"I guess I just really wanted our relationship back." Keith pondered aloud, turning his head to look at the form of his former right hand man. "Partners, team mates. That kind of thing. Something more than obligatory once a year reunions."

Keith felt that weight pool harder inside himself. A feeling similar to regret, or something else he could not name. "I just missed you, I guess." Keith frowned deeply, closing his eyes. "I really am just selfish."

\- - -

Lance woke up a day and a half later. Whatever fatigue or queasiness he'd felt before he slept it off was gone. He felt refreshed. Renewed. Lance yawned, stretching his long limbs until finally pushing himself up from his reclined position. Rubbing his eyes, he looked around the room. 

"Where's Keith..?" He murmured to himself, before being alarmed by a small gasp and shuffling from beside the bed.

"You're up?" Keith appeared from the floor beside the bed, his hair floppy and unkempt. Lance blinked down at him, narrowing his eyes after a moment of thought. 

"Keith? What're doin' on the floor?"

Keith looked perplexed, his gaze flicking to the side in a sign of bashful embarrassment. "Um.. I slept there?"

Lance's jaw dropped, agape and disbelieving. "We have a King size bed here, who knows how many guest bedrooms, and you put your self-sacrificing ass on the floor?" Keith looked stricken, lowering his head in shame. Lance burst out laughing. "Of course you did!" He wheezed out, holding his stomach with one hand and wiping a tear with the other. "Oh man, Keith? Were you worried about me?"

"Of course I was!" Keith balked, leaning up on his knees, knuckles white where he gripped the mattress. "You looked like you were half dead! And you didn't wake up. Dude, I was super worried. I couldn't just grab my own room without knowing you were okay."

Lance calmed his laughter, only because poor Keith seemed so sincere. "Sorry, man." He chuckled, ruffling Keith's hair. "My bad."

Keith was a bit mad at him, but seeing Lance laughing and full of energy had him granting forgiveness within seconds. It really was impossible not to love the guy. "Glad to see you up, Lance." Keith said with a smirk, standing up and holding out a hand. Lance smiled too, taking the offered hand and getting out of bed.

\- - -

Breakfast was a fancy affair. They were treated like Royalty. Keith felt uncomfortable. Lance looked to be in his element. 

Their small table was laid out with different styles of egg dishes, fresh baked bread, some savoury smelling dipping oil, and a plethora of skinned fruits in a wide arrangement of colour and tartness. 

Keith stuck with bread, lightly dipping it in the oil that tasted like butter with some kind of herbs thrown in. He likened it to garlic bread, actually. Lance scoffed as Keith went for thirds, "Seriously, dude? Your breath is gunna be killer all day now."

Keith frowned, levelling Lance with a disgruntled glare. "I don't care." Be that as it may, he was glad Lance was still keen to travel with him. His life wasn't stable, and no day was the same as the last. It was always a surprise, but somehow having Lance along with him made it feel more homey despite the displacement.

Neither of them seemed keen to discuss what happened to Lance. Especially Lance himself. He seemed eager to play up a persona of himself, happy and energetic. A lot like the Lance Keith had know several years ago, but a lot less arrogant. No, this Lance was hiding something. 

But it was not Keith's place to push. At least, he didn't think so. Although if it had anything to do with his new alien biology, Keith felt he had a good standing on knowing how he felt.

"Ready to hit the road today?" Keith asked tentatively, relieved when Lance shot him an impish grin. 

"Yup."

\- - -


	9. Changing Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith struggles with Feelings. Lance struggles with being part alien. Ezor is the best.

Keith was having _Feelings_. He wasn't sure how to deal with them. Having worried for a day and a half whether Lance would want to continue travelling with him had made him imagine continuing on alone. And that thought had made him feel strange. He was never a sort to need company. Never needed nor ever wanted to feel connected to others. No, that wasn't it. He'd needed it. Wanted it. But he'd been scared. After working for years with Zethrid, Axca and Exor, he'd gotten used to having a team again. He'd gotten used to their small dynamic.

What he had with Lance was different.

Was it their history? They'd been paladins. They'd been partners. Was it that he was familiar? That he was from Earth?

But it wasn't those. Or at least, not just those things. It was his laugh. His stupid sense of humour. His comfortable presence that both delighted him, annoyed him, and made him feel secure. He trusted Lance. Trusted his judgement, and trusted him as a person. A friend. A something.

Keith felt oddly nervous about Lance for some reason, and he was having trouble settling on why that reason was. For now, he'd blame the whole _Lance may cause wormholes to happen_ dilemma. 

Speaking of which, the brown haired chatterbox seemed to delight in making jokes about it, threatening to sneeze out wormholes to pizza planets if Keith didn't stop for food somewhere.

Keith called him out on his bull shit by sailing past colonies known to have resorts for hospitality, and no wormholes occurred. So yeah, Lance was all bark and no bite. Though the Cuban did whine and sulk about it. A lot.

Tossing a ration bar at the Cuban boy's head, Keith maintained course to meet up with his team again. "We're meeting Ezor at a planet a few varga from here. They need supplies to rebuild their village."

"Ezor's the chirpy one, right?" Lance asked with a mouthful of food, crumbs spilling onto his lap. Keith sighed and nodded. How could Lance be gross and cute at the same time? Dumbass.

"You played Monsters and Mana with them for nearly a whole day, and you had to clarify on who is who?" Keith asked with some amusement.

"I was focusing on the game, Keith." He scoffed, shoving the rest of the bar in his mouth and tossing the wrapper behind him. Keith made a mental note to smack him later for littering in his cruiser.

"Is it just Ezor? What about the others?"

"They're deployed somewhere else. And Ezor was pretty insistent on doing this job with us." Keith had _Suspicions._ With a capital S. Ezor seemed a bit conniving on the comm link when she'd begged him to come help her, insisting Lance come along. Did she want Lance for something? He knew the guy was charming, somehow, despite being... well, despite being Lance. But Ezor and Zethrid were married, so maybe that wasn't it.

Whatever, Social cues weren't his forte. Neither was dwelling on feelings or questioning his bonds. 

Lance. It was all Lance's fault.

\- - -

Lance felt like a stranger in his own body. Like it didn't belong to him. His soul was the same. He made the same jokes, found the same things funny; like the word Noodle.

"Hehe." He giggled as he thought the word in his head. Keith giving him an odd look, but ultimately ignored him.

But.. yeah. He felt off. Learning the marks on his face were more than just marks. Knowing they'd actually changed his whole biology. Knowing they represented his long gone girlfriend. No, not just girlfriend. She'd been more than that well before the relationship. She'd been a pillar. A goddess on the mortal plane. A sister. A friend. 

The marks she left granted him access to the very universe Allura was now the core of; he had a physical connection to her, even if she was no longer a mortal being. He should feel good, knowing he could draw energy from her very being. But he felt displaced from himself. He felt a heavy sadness, a weighted dread. This wasn't his own body anymore, and he didn't like it.

What was worse, he felt angry at Allura, or her memory, or whatever she was now. And that anger sickened him. How could he be mad at someone who'd given their life to save them all? But he felt bitter for having this constant reminder of her plastered on his face. He was bitter that he had powers he'd never wanted, after trying to live a simple human life after years of being a paladin. He gave up dreams of flying and glory to settle into something normal. And that normalcy was gone.

Guilt. Anger. Misery. All things he had no desire to dwell on, but could not manage to shake. It made him feel even more alien in his own skin. He was supposed to be cool. He was supposed to be happy.

Lance felt lost in the universe.

\- - -

Ezor breathed in a hiss, as if the atmosphere between Lance and Keith were a paper cut between the webbing of one's finger. "Jeez, what happened to you two? Long trip?"

They both grumbled replies, dragging themselves off to do some work. Sure, they'd managed to break the ice a bit the morning they'd left. However, the long journey had cause too much silence. Too much silence had meant a lot of internalizing. It created a bit of a barrier.

The day was long, but the work was rewarding. The people of this planet were elated and grateful for outside help. Lance, as always, used his natural charm to make the villagers feel joy in the task of rebuilding what had been lost. He made the children forget anything bad had happened. He made elderly folks feel important and relevant even though they could not work as hard. Keith was impressed. The lanky moron was good with people. This work was just perfect for him. He made people feel _normal_ again, especially after tragedy. 

Lance, on the other hand, was dumbfounded every time he watched Keith take care of the residents. Usually he just did grunt work, but when he saw that soft smile and warm eyes directed at the towns folk? It was like a whole other Keith. An open hearted Keith, one that Lance wanted to see a lot more of. Maybe, selfishly, one he'd like more for himself.

Lance shook his head, unnerved and afraid of that odd and unwelcome feeling he was having regarding Keith. It wasn't right.

"Hey, Lance?" Keith waved him over where he was standing with a group of young hunters roughly their age. Lance cast his thoughts away and trotted over.

"The locals invited me to help them for the hunt. They want to throw a big dinner for the village to celebrate the completion of the new homes." 

Lance nodded to this, wondering what it had to do with him.

"But uh.." Keith fidgeted, "I thought you might be the better choice to go. We did equip you with a sniper rifle, right?"

Lance blinked. "Huh? Well, yeah. You want me to help lead a hunting party? Aren't you the guy that lived on a forest-covered space whale for two years with nothing but a knife and your ninja mom?"

Keith failed to hide a smile, as Lance's colourful way of describing his life tickled the cockles of his heart. "Well, yes." Keith scratched his neck, his cheeks flushing red. _Damnit Lance._ "But me and Ezor have other stuff to do." That was a lie. He just really wanted Lance out there experiencing the world. He also wanted to show off to the villagers how well he handled a gun. Jeez, he was losing his mind here. Showing off Lance like a kid at show and tell.

Lance didn't seem opposed, so Keith clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a confident smile. "Get us a big prize for dinner, Sharp Shooter."

Lance flinched, managing a sheepish smile of his own. "Yeah, sure."

Keith walked away, his heart beating rapidly. _Dear God, what ailment was Lance's stupid shy smile causing him?_ He needed to bury himself in more work. His heart could not handle all these weird new feelings.

\- - -

 _Keith sent me to lead a hunt. I've never been hunting before. I can shoot stuff, sure, but that was always drones and sentries and sometimes I scare birds on the farm!_ Lance fretted, having been left alone with the group of young hunters. They looked like aliens, as most aliens do. Halfway human-ish with the odd differences in skin and appendages that separated one species from another. Their noses seemed almost nonexistent, save for nostrils at the end of a semi-bump in the centre of their faces. He gave the group a fake smile of confidence, shouldering his rifle and adjusting his Marmoran chest plate.

"Sooooo~ Hunting! Super cool stuff. You guys hunt around here often?" Ah man, already dishing out the flirty lines to cope with the stress. Lance felt as lame as he sounded. The hunters looked vaguely confused, but one shrugged and gave a polite smile. 

"Yes. A few times a week. We cure and preserve a lot of the meat we get from hunts for winters and such. We're after a Jagion today." A few of the men and women high fived one another, clearly excited to take down this thing. 

"Uh huh. Yeah. Cool cool. What's a Jagion?"

Off to a fantastic start. 

\- - -

"You didn't _go _with him?" Ezor asked, helping Keith stock a warehouse with goods and supplies. Their time here was nearly complete, after a week of building and repairs. They'd been given instruction on how to develop technology, and trained many young men and women on how to repair it themselves.__

__"No. I needed to finish this up. And I wanted Lance to go have some fun."_ _

__Ezor narrowed her eyes, looking as unconvinced as she felt. "I could've done this myself. Why don't you go play with your little boyfriend?"_ _

__Keith scoffed, leaning back from his work. "You've done nothing but line up food cylinders all day and knock them down with a pellet gun." He turned back to his work, face flushing. "He's my friend, Ezor. Not boyfriend."_ _

__"Fine." She said with an exaggerated shrug, "Go play with your little _friend_ that I watched you stare at all day in a totally platonic way."_ _

__Keith grunted loudly, looking ready to burst into flames. "Ezor.." He growled. Ezor snorted a laugh._ _

__"Oh this is too fun." She grinned fiendishly, skipping over to ruffle his hair. "You're the most fun boss I've ever had. So easy to rile up."_ _

__"If I could fire you, I would." He sneered back._ _

__Ezor smiled, "No, you wouldn't."_ _

__Kieth sighed, "I wouldn't." She patted his arm and fled the room, likely to go goof off somewhere he couldn't see. Keith quietly stewed in his furious thoughts, a flush of embarrassment still staining his pale face. The former generals usually kept their head in the game. But any time he brought Lance up, they started cooing like gossiping teenagers. He didn't realize he talked about him so much until he picked up on how often they teased._ _

__"He's my friend. I like him. Of course I talk about him a lot." He grumbled to himself, shoving inventory into their proper places. His team could keep their noses out of his non-existent love life. He'd never thought about that stuff before, so why would he consider it now? Late Bloomer seemed like an understatement._ _

__"I'm only thinking like this now cause stupid Ezor won't leave me alone about it." He decided aloud, huffing as he sat down to type out the inventory counts on a tablet. "Besides.. I'm pretty sure Lance isn't ready for that sort of thing.."_ _

__Realizing he was actually considering his weird feelings as a true and solid thing, Keith groaned in agony and let his forehead firmly collide with the table._ _

__"I'm too old for this."_ _


	10. Bait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Ezor talk about boys.
> 
> Lance smells tasty.

Chapter 10

Jagions, as it turned out, were a strange mix of lions, jaguars and lizards. It was terrifying, and huge. The hunters claimed one body would feed the village for weeks. But taking them down was difficult. Where there was one, it's pack would be nearby. And if you took one down, the pack would both attack the hunters, and also try and take the body back with them. 

Lance failed to see enough pros to compete with the cons of this.

"Ever consider eating smaller animals? Rodents? Do you guys have bunnies?" Lance asked, walking through the jungle with his temporary team. 

"Well, sure we could go after smaller game. But those only feed small families for a day. We have an entire village to think about. Besides, the skins of a Jagion can be used for clothes, new canteens and other necessities." 

Lance kind of appreciated the lifestyle these people had. Back to basics, old style. The Blades had given them technology to enhance their way of life, but he had a feeling a lot of it would be more for fortifying their village and less about their day to day living. Their culture seemed wrapped in tradition.

The lead hunter clapped Lance on the shoulder. "Besides, Keith said you have a sharp eye. You can keep an eye out for us while we get the Jagion and flee from its pack."

"I'm gunna take a guess and say you usually aim for one that's far from its pack?" Lance inquired, since it seemed obvious to him. 

"Mmhm. Yup. It doesn't happen often, but our scouts tell us there's a rogue one lingering around a watering hole. Hopefully its not ill. That would be a big waste of a lot of running."

And so deeper they went into the jungle. It was humid, and his armour was making him sweat uncomfortably. Lance didn't care much for this rugged sort of undertaking. The farm was on a whole other plane. Kalteneckers were a far cry from arm sized mosquitos and giant cat-lizards. And he got to shower whenever he wanted there.

When they were a standard distance from the Jagion's scent, Lance scaled a tree. He climbed several feet up, until he found a branch high enough to support himself. His sniper rifle out, he laid out on his stomach, legs clinging to the trunk behind him for purchase.

He'd handed out headsets to all the hunters before the hunt, one of the newer enhancements the tribe had agreed to, making communication much simpler and covert. 

Lance found the target, lingering by a small lake. It was the most terrifying beast he'd ever seen. Mean, nasty looking eyes and teeth. Large claws. He was very glad to be way up here, and not down there. 

He kept his scope on the animal, waiting for all the other hunters to fall into place. His head set crackled to life, and the lead hunter spoke;

"Okay, Lance. We're in position. Aim for the spot on his neck we talked about. Once it's down, we'll go in and get our strongest hunters to lift it back to base. Keep us informed of the pack's movements so we can avoid them or fight back."

Lance confirmed, and levelled his aim. With a slow breath out, he fired.

\- - -

"Ezor.." Keith confronted his team mate, who looked up from tinkering with something outside the warehouse.

"What's up, fearless leader?" She asked with a grin, sharp teeth as impish as ever. 

"What if..." Keith bit his lip, leaning on the outside wall of the building, "What if I said that I might.. possibly.. have feelings for someone?"

Ezor _glowed_ with excitement. "IS IT LA--"

"I said what if!!" Keith shouted back, pale skin flushing red. "So like.. what would I do?" Ezor was the one with experience here. She was married, right? That was more than he had going for him. 

Ezor snorted, "Wow. Really? I dunno, tell him you like him?" Keith stared back at her, as if she was speaking another language.

Ezor let out a frustrated breath, her one eye flicking up to the heavens in a plea for help.

"Look, when Zethrid wanted to give me hints that she liked me? She invited me out to beat the crap out of some soldiers we didn't like, and when we were done? She kissed me while surrounded by the blood of our victims. Super romantic. We had a really good time."

Keith's mouth was hanging open at this point, disgust clear on his features.

"It was good times, man." She said with a smirk.

Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, yeah no. I don't think Lance would appreciate that."

Ezor smiled brightly. "See? You know what he likes! Or doesn't like? Either or, you know him better than I do, so any advise I give isn't going to pan out so great. Just follow your heart, Keith. What's it say?"

Keith dragged a hand across his face, "It's saying I'm due for a heart attack."

"Promising."

"Look, I'm new to this. Maybe it's not even real! Maybe I just have gas. And I'm not even sure I want to do anything about these weird feelings I have for him." Keith crossed his arms, leaning heavily against the outside wall. This whole conversation, and admitting his growing feelings for Lance aloud? It was making him uncomfortable. "I'm busy with my work. And I like that it keeps me busy. I've never felt more fulfilled than this in my life." His work gave him purpose he'd never had. A place in the world that felt _right_. "I don't think I could work a romantic relationship into my life right now."

"Why does it have to be a compromise?" Ezor asked with a softer smile than she'd worn previously. "Aren't you guys spending every day together anyway? It's not like some societies where couples have to, like, give up their day job to focus on breeding for the sake of survival. And you and Lance can't even--"

"Okay!" Keith squeaked, arms raised and head ducked down, "We're falling down a slope I have no interest in exploring."

Ezor snorted, smacking Keith on the shoulder. "All I'm saying, is that loving someone enriches your life, it doesn't take anything away. It doesn't even have to replace or compromise anything else you love to do. You're just making it better because Lance will be there with you" Ezor bent down, pinching Keith's pale cheek between her fingers. "That is, if he likes you too, I guess."

Keith frowned. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. You might be onto something though. I'm not even sure if he's into guys. I've never seen him flirt with men. This whole thing could be entirely hopeless."

Ezor sighed with a smile. "Tragic, unrequited love. Delicious." 

\- - -

Welp. If he was going to be surrounded by giant angry lizard cats? At least he was in a tree. "I sure hope they can't climb." Lance grumbled, laying tummy-down on a broad branch. Overlooking the forest, he peered through his scope away from the growling beasts underneath him, and at the retreating form of the hunting party. Good, they were getting to safety, with their kill in tow.

Lance had seen the rest of the pack converge towards the hunting party after the bullet fired. He took a chance, hoping he could distract them and keep the party safe. So a few bullets later, aimed at easy to knock down debris, the pack of Jagions had been herded toward his hide out. That.. had not been his intention. He'd only wanted to scare them off. 

Well. He was stuck here until the pack got tired. Lance planned on tree hopping to get away from them once the coast was clear. He was worried some might follow him. He wasn't keen to lead them back to the village.

But then some of them started to climb.

"Aw Quiznack." He cursed with a cluck of his tongue. Guess he'd be tree hopping for a while. He climbed higher, looking for a branch a little closer to the next tree. In the meantime, he called his team.

"Hey guys? I'm gunna need some help sooner than I thought."

\- - -

"Lance is... stuck in a tree?" Keith asked wearily. It wasn't completely impossible. Just... odd.

"Well.. he says he's tree jumping to tire them out. He's worried they'll follow him to the village. But um.. he's being chased by the _entire_ Jagion pack." One of the hunters said with a sheepish smile. 

Keith frowned. "Ok.. That's terrifying. Does this usually happen?"

"Well, normally we have some hunters act as a distraction so one team can get away. They eventually lose the pack over water or high cliffs."

"And Lance was the distraction, why?" Keith was getting a tiny bit irritated.

The hunter shrugged. "I guess they liked his smell?"

Keith slapped a hand on his face, dragging it down with a groan. _That lanky, smooth skinned moron._ He must still be using his fancy soap from home. It always smelled like vanilla and other sweet flower-like scent. Why couldn't he be normal and use run of the mill soap? 

"I'm going after him." Keith grumbled, pushing past the hunter. 

"Wait, we were going to--"

Keith dismissed whatever they were going to say with a wave of his hand. "It's fine. I got it."

"You... no! It's an angry pack of Jagions! Don't go alone. We have more experience with them."

Keith looked back at the frantic hunter. They probably knew better than him. But...

"Fine." He shrugged. "Do what you want. I'm still going after Lance."


	11. Mixed Feelings

Ok. Tree hopping wasn't working. Why weren't these monsters getting tired of him yet? And where was his damned back-up? Lance breathed heavily, clinging as high as he could dare in the last damned tree he would ever bother scaling again. The beasts had followed him from one tree to another; some jumping along, some rushing on the ground. 

Why did no one tell him these bastards could climb? Why had he tried to distract them on his own? He was so sure he'd grown out of his school-boy heroics. 

Lance wiped sweat from his brow, some already falling off his cheekbones and lashes. He might have to start picking these guys off. He did not want to take out a whole pack. That would be cruel and upset the balance of nature. But maybe if he got a couple, it might scare the rest away. It was that or get mauled.

Lance groaned, levelling his gun down toward the ground. There was a resilient Jagion nearly upon him, just a few feet from his perch. 

He fired.

The beast fell. Fell and tumbled down branches until it hit the ground with a sound that would haunt his nightmares. The others kept coming.

"Oh come ON!" Lance screeched. This couldn't be happening to him.

"Lance!"

His breath hitched, and as he looked past the swarm of animals clawing at the tree, he saw him. Several yards away from said tree was Keith, seated on a black hover bike nabbed from his ship. He looked badass, but Lance didn't have time to ogle.

"KEITH!" He yelped, his face burning with relief. He butted a Jagion in the head with the end of his rifle, watching it fall a few branches down. It regained it's hold, and started to climb again.

"Lance! Find a way down! I'm gunna get you out of here!" Keith yelled, revving the engine and tossing a flare at one group of the pack. The beasts scattered, temporarily alarmed and confused by the false fire.

"Oh yeah sure just come on down the tree." Lance muttered, shouldering his rifle once more. Lance leapt from his branch down to one lower down, on another tree. He jumped, jumped, barely caught another one under his grip. He swung, felt nothing but air as he let go...

And landed on the back of the bike. Lance steadied himself, sitting down and clinging to Keith's middle. "GO GO GO GO!" He shrieked, burying his head into Keith's spine. The man wasted no time, bursting with speed away from the pack of aggravated animals. 

"What are those things!?" Keith yelled back, swerving to avoid one of the beasts leaping their way from the side. Lance leaned his head over Keith's shoulder to respond,

"How do you say Giant Cat Lizard in Spanish?"

"How should I know that!? You're Cuban, you god-awful bastard!"

The beasts gave chase, but were no match for the speed of the vehicle. Keith made sure to take the long way back to the village to keep the beasts off their trail. 

It seemed like they'd ridden forever. But as the bike started to slow down, Lance finally loosened his grip around the other man's waist. They were just outside the village, closer to the ships Keith and Ezor took to get here. 

Lance leaned back once they stopped, letting out a relieved groan. "Glad that nightmare is over." Lance muttered. Keith looked back at Lance, his face rife with concern. He was looking at Lance's face, sweeping over his features as if looking for something.

Lance winced, feeling a little self conscious suddenly. "W-what?"

Keith frowned. "...Nothing." But he'd seen it, back when Lance had been in that tree. When Keith had called his name.. When Lance had seen him come to save him?

...Lance's marks had begun to glow.

\- - -

Keith sat in his alcove, Lance already asleep across the room. He thought back to the last time Lance's marks had glowed during this trip. They'd glowed when he'd been making wormholes.. but he thought he'd seen them do it once before when Lance seemed to be smiling to himself about something. Lance had waved a hand and said he was just hungry, but..

There had to be a reason... was it like blushing? Or did it have to to with Lance's connection to the energy of the universe?

Maybe.. maybe he was reaching.. but it almost seemed like they glowed that day because Lance was happy to see him.

"Yeah right." He grunted, lying on his back. "He was happy to see me cause I was saving his sorry ass from mutant animals."

Yet, Keith felt a tug inside himself. He wanted that happiness to be because of him. He wanted to be Lance's reason for happiness.

Keith groaned loudly, smothering his face with a pillow.

"I'm a mess."

\- - -

Lance was dreaming. 

In the dream, Keith saved him from savage beasts, and they rode a motorcycle into the desert, blasting enemies on their way to freedom. 

He dreamed they stopped at a cliff. 

He dreamed they watched the sunset, painting the sky with reds and oranges.

He dreamed he'd never once let his arms go from around Keith's waist.

\- - -

Lance awoke, and immediately felt shame rot his gut. Why did he have a dream like that about Keith? Keith was his friend. But the dream? It was almost... romantic. But what about Allura? Yes, she was gone. Gone forever. But to just move on, and dream of someone else? No, no he couldn't. It would be wrong. It would betray the love he'd had for her, and all the pining and working for her that he'd done. 

And again, more to the point, it was Keith. His friend. His partner. 

He would not, did not, think of Keith like that. 

It was just a dream.

Just a dream...

\- - -

The pair left the planet, parting with Ezor as she set off to rendezvous with Zethrid. Keith set a course for the nearest wormhole station, about a twenty varga flight from where they were. Keith did not risk asking Lance for the list. He didn't want to risk the man's health. And moreover? He wasn't sure how Lance would feel about it in general. He'd not mentioned the anomaly since they'd done it.

"We're gunna stop by Earth next. I have some work there, plus I think your family misses you."

Lance furrowed his brow, looking over at Keith. The pale man seemed a little tense. "Um.. sure? You're not sick of me already, are you?" Lance realized he was actually worried about that. He didn't want to just quit and go home. He wanted to stay in space. He wanted...

He wanted to stay.. with Keith?

Oh no. Maybe he _should_ go home. He couldn't allow these horrible ideas to grow.

"Hm? No. Not at all." Keith replied curtly, eyes focused ahead. 

He didn't said anything more, though.

For nearly twenty varga, each of them was left to interpret the silence in their own way; 

internalizing, 

doubting, 

festering.


	12. New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden trip to Earth brings with it a budding new outlook on life.

Lance was back on Earth. Surrounded by things he loved. His family, the cows, the fields of juniberries that reminded him of Allura.

But the farm and flowers no longer brought the peace he thought he needed. The flowers made him bitter and sad, attached to memories of a life he was denied. The quiet calm made him nervous, too reminiscent of a funeral or a graveyard. He thought of his friends out there in the universe. All of them dedicating their time to what they were passionate about, making a difference, making something of themselves. Leaving their mark.

Their legacy...

Keith had mentioned that once; legacy. Lance had thought keeping Allura's memory alive was his life's purpose. Her memory and sacrifice needed to be remembered, and he'd sacrificed himself to do for her what she could no longer do for herself. 

But he felt empty. Alone. His soul drained and washed out.

Once again he was the odd man out. His peers had reached the stars, and he was stuck on the ground. Left behind, running on the spot and getting nowhere. If Allura were here, would she want him to do this to himself? Would she still see something in him like this?

"I think I failed her, somewhere down the line.." He murmured to the sky above. Maybe this was why his and Keith's little road trip was cut short. Maybe Keith realized Lance did not measure up, like he was a lost cause. After all, who wanted to spend time with someone who offered nothing? Who was more of a strain than an equal? What had Lance truly done this whole time? He'd just been Keith's charge. An adult child needing care?

_What would Allura think of me now?_

He couldn't imagine she'd see much.

\- - -

Keith visited Pidge and Matt, listening to the enthusiastic pair babble on about all the progress they'd made on Earth's defence. He himself was mostly just here for supplies, as well as a few questions he had about their wormhole technology. Maybe if he better understood them, he could come to terms with Lance's ability. 

Maybe he should inform the siblings about Lance in general. Although he was keeping his budding feelings towards the former paladin to himself.

"Would an Altean be able to create wormholes without a Balmeran crystal?"

The Holt's looked at Keith with a great measure of scrutiny. Matt raised a brow. "Well.. no. Alteans are magical by nature, but they only make wormholes by using technology that grants them access to infinite mass."

"Okay.. but what if they could access that kind of power without the teleduv?" 

Pidge chimed in next, running fingers through her styled hair, "Remotely? That would require a very strong bond between that Altean and whatever energy they're communicating with. Keith? Why are you asking anyway?"

Keith bit his lip. It wasn't his place to babble Lance's secrets...

"Nothing. Just curious.."

_A strong bond... _Keith had an idea what that meant. Coran had mentioned that much, he was sure. Allura rebooted all of the other realities using her very existence, so perhaps her very essence was linked to the infinite quintessence out in the universe. And Lance's markings were a direct link to Allura and that energy.__

__Lance and Allura were infinitely connected. How could a guy like him compete with that?_ _

__When Matt left to sign out the supplies they were selling to Keith, Pidge took a moment to sit with him. "So, Keith? How's Lance doing? You've been spending a few weeks with him, right?"_ _

__She sounded concerned, even if she meant it conversationally. It seemed everyone was worried about their former blue paladin. She continued, "All he ever does is stay on his farm or go on trips to Altea. I know he loved Allura but.. it's like he can't see beyond that. Maybe he forgot who he was after she died." She pinched her features together, small flickers of data flashing in a corner of her tech-specs._ _

__"You're right." Keith murmured darkly, threading his fingers together, rubbing at the rough patches of callused skin. "I was hoping to bring him out of it.. and I think it worked a little. But there's something he isn't saying. I feel like.. he gave up on his own future after Allura died. Like he's trying to live her life, and not his own."_ _

__Pidge nodded, leaning back on her hands as she sat atop a large crate. The loading bay was a flurry of activity, but no one paid them any mind._ _

__"So why stop back on Earth? Did he ask to come home?"_ _

__Keith held his breath. He'd brought them to Earth out of panic. Sure, he'd needed some supplies, and he had wanted to see the Holts. But he'd also felt the need to run and distance himself from Lance. He'd wanted to help the man, but he felt like he was becoming attracted to him instead. He couldn't fathom properly helping Lance while battling his own strange feelings.  
Things were so much simpler when they bickered like siblings back on the Castle of Lions._ _

__When Keith didn't respond, Pidge leaned over to get a closer look at him. Yeah, he definitely had that petulant look of guilty conscious._ _

__"What? Did you piss him off or something?" Pidge asked with a smirk. Keith scoffed, shoving her face away from him._ _

__"No. He's fine."_ _

__"Uh huh. Are _you?_ "_ _

__Keith gave her a glare, but Pidge knew she was on to something. "Is that a no?"_ _

__"I'm out of here." Keith started to stand, but Pidge grabbed his collar and shoved him back down. "Nuh uh. We aren't done packing your order. And also my curiosity demands to know what you're hiding."_ _

__"Your curiosity can suck it." Keith felt like he was eighteen again, arguing with Pidge, and he was sure he didn't care for it._ _

__"Fine. Be a baby about it." She lamented, sliding off her perch. "It's just.. a lot of us were hoping you could kick his head out of this funk he's got himself in."_ _

__She didn't look back, and calmly walked out of the warehouse, leaving Keith alone with his thoughts._ _

__\- - -_ _

__Mother's cooking was warm and comforting like always. The family dinner chatter as vibrant and energetic, the ambiance ever familiar. Yet still Lance felt the ache of loneliness in his chest twist and turn._ _

__Why had Keith dumped him off here anyway? Why not take him with him to grab supplies? Was he planning on visiting Shiro? Was Lance not allowed to come? Would he leave Earth without him?_ _

__Maybe he was looking too deeply into it. But Lance couldn't stop _thinking_ about it. He was obsessed with what Keith was thinking; mainly whether the man was thinking of him, or _what_ he thought of him. _ _

___This is gross._ He berated himself, stabbing at a vegetable with malice. He wasn't sure why he felt gross about it. Having romantic dreams about his best friend? Worry about what Keith would think of him if he ever found out? Were these feelings betraying the love he'd had for Allura? Maybe all of it. He wished he could shut it all away. Or maybe just start over. _ _

__"Lance? Are you going to eat?" He looked up as his mother looked upon him, concern knit into her brow._ _

__"Oh. Yeah, sorry." He took a dutiful mouthful of food. He was a fair way behind everyone else in finishing his plate. His mind wouldn't let him focus. What a time to have a personal crisis. He needed to get all of this muddled doubt and worry out of his head. Maybe he'd best write all his worries down on paper. He used to do it all the time; it helped to make things in his head feel more organized and less like a tornado of razor blades. At the end of it, things were usually a lot simpler than he'd been assuming._ _

__He quietly excused himself from the rest of dinner, and slid into his room._ _

__He closed the door, bathing the small room in nothing but moonlight._ _

__In the soft tranquility of his bedroom, he let himself relax and look at his life with an objective calm he'd not allowed himself for years. He'd lied to himself for a long time now; that he was happy. He wasn't happy. He was strong enough now to admit it properly. He didn't want to be this sad man living secluded on a farm, and dedicating the remainder of his life to the woman he'd loved more than anyone._ _

__Lance moved to the window, opening it up and letting the cool night air softly breeze through it. He was ready to move on, and that alone was as refreshing and light as the gentle ripples that wove through the gauzy curtains._ _

__Now, though, he had to ask himself.. what would he do with his life? He knew he wanted to move past Allura, move past the legacy he'd been trying to keep alive in her stead. It felt like betrayal, but the burden and weight of it was killing him inside. His friends and family had seen it long before he had. Only now was he truly able to understand. Maybe his time with Keith had helped kick his brain back to reality._ _

__He wanted to jumpstart his life. Breathe into it the zest he knew dwelled deep inside him. A rebranding, back to roots sort of thing. He didn't want to be a space hero. That much he knew. He was done with danger, guns, and space suits. That was fine now and then, but not for the long haul._ _

__He rather enjoyed Team Retirement with Shiro._ _

__But he did need purpose, something to look ahead at. Something to get him out of bed smiling. Something he could speak proudly of. So Lance sat at his desk, turned on the lamp, and pulled out his journal. With an excited grin, he began to brainstorm for his future._ _


	13. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of fuel after writing fanfics for two months straight! Updates may be a long time coming. Sorry in advance!

Keith stood outside the McClain family home, wondering what he ought to do. He wanted to spend more time with Lance, but he'd become certain his company was not healthy for the other man. Keith didn't know how to help with his grief, or his discovery of the man's alien powers and altered DNA. But those were all a lot of poor excuses for his true reason; Keith was scared of his feelings for Lance. 

He didn't know how to deal with them. Scared that Lance would discover them. Worried he'd make his friend uncomfortable. War had ruined much of Lance's heart, and Keith didn't want to burden such a soft and fragile thing any more than it already was.

As he stood there and ruminated about what to do, the door swung open. It was Rachel, and she was beaming. 

"There you are! I don't know what you did, but something put a fire under that boy's ass." She grinned, the standard McClain smirk that was painted brilliantly with mischief and pride. Keith was pretty sure he'd not done a single damn thing. 

"What are you talking about?" He asked incredulously. Rachel laughed, grabbing Keith's wrist and dragging him further outside and towards the warehouse. "Come see! He's been working all night!"

Inside the warehouse's office, it was a debris field belonging to a mad genius. Papers, designs and file folders open and scattered, numbers, budgets and maps pinned to the wall above an old desk. And at the centre was Lance, rubbing his chin and staring at the large screen floating in the centre of the room. He noticed the pair when Rachel cleared her throat, offering them both a large grin.

Lance's eyes were baggy, like he'd been up all night, but there was a spark within that had not been seen in years. "Keith! My man!" He clapped the dark haired boy roughly on the shoulder. "Come into my office! Oh.. wait, you're already here. Oh well. Anyway!"

He spun in a circle, his arms spread wide. "I've got a plan!"

"I can see that.." Keith murmured, looking around again, "What.. is this plan?"

"I'm starting a business!" Lance exclaimed, pumping his fists. "Juniberries are fantastic as a flavour shot in tons of stuff! Baking, coffee, milkshakes. So I was talking with Rachel all week, and we came up with a business plan. We're opening a cafe!"

A cafe. Keith looked at Lance in awe. The man was coming alive again. He'd made a plan, built himself a dream from the ground up. A purpose. A legacy. "Lance.. that's a great idea." Keith let himself grin wide leaning forward and wrapping his friend in a one armed hug. 

"Thanks man! My parents are gunna continue running the farm, and will obviously be our main supplier. The cafe will start here, and if all goes well we can start up branches later. I've got a lot of money saved up thanks to shipping milk and berries from the farm over the last few years. We'll be using it to start the business."

Keith smirked. "You'll make Hunk nervous. You could be serious competition."

Lance scoffed, waving his hand. "Whatever. He's one of our best customers at the farm anyway. He can't say boo about it. Besides, he deals in fine cuisine. This is a cafe, Keith."

"So I guess this is the end to our road trip." Keith says with a bittersweet tone. Lance gives him a soft smile back. "Yep. Space adventures are great for weekends, my man. But I'm ready to settle down. For real this time. Shiro will have to carry on the Early Retirement Club without me."

Keith snorted. "I'm sure he'll be devastated." He knew Shiro would not be upset in the least. He'd been one of the most worried for Lance, living his life like a ghost at such a young age. But things were now looking up. Keith couldn't be happier.

Lance clapped his shoulder again, pulling away from Keith. "Don't be a stranger, buddy. I need weekly visits. It's lonely out here on Earth!"

Keith knew that had to be a lie, but he nodded anyway. He didn't want to go without seeing Lance any more than he did. "Weekly is pushing it. But I'll be around. I promise."

The pair shook hands, never breaking eye contact. Something warm ran through their hearts; a rapport perhaps, but it was tinged with a nervous energy. Something neither of them knew what to make of.

\- - -

It was a week or so after separating. Keith had kept himself busy, but his mind always wandered to Lance. Was he really okay? His big plans hadn't been a ploy to get everyone to stop fussing over him, had it? It seemed like a Lance thing to do; distracting himself and everyone else from his pain by throwing all his weight into some distraction. Keith found himself endlessly worried about him, or often thinking of the man whenever he came across something that reminded him of the lanky goofball. It was distracting, thereby making Keith very irritable.

"Just go see him." Groaned Ezor, who was a little peeved that Keith kept snapping at them for every minor inconvenience. She recieved a rather peeved look from Keith as a result, likely for feeling called out.

Then one day, he got a picture sent to him over his comms. Opening up the file, he was greeted with a ridiculous caricature of Lance on the side of a coffee cup, with the caption 'they have been printed!' below the file.

Keith didn't know whether to laugh or not. Did Lance make the design stupid on purpose? Weren't cafes supposed to be refined? He supposed Lance was going for campy. 

"Looks dumb as Hell." Keith replied back with a smirk, sending it off and feeling a thousand times better after such a silly update from Lance.

\- - -

"Keith again?" Rachel asked, leaning on the half built counter top. Lance was busily fiddling with his phone, sending updates along to Keith. 

"Yeah? What of it?" He smirked, posing for a selfie in front of the gaggle of workers building his first cafe. 

"Nothing~." She sang out, turning on her heel. "Tell your boyfriend I said Hi."

Lance yelped, and a moment later Rachel heard his phone hit the floor. "He's not my boyfriend!" Lance bemoaned, looking over the scuffed device. "You'd know if we were going out, okay? Besides, he's my friend. Of course I'm gunna keep him up to date on my business."

"Mmmhmm." She nodded, sorting through merchandise booklets. "So heard from Hunk or Pidge lately?"

Lance just sighed, deciding to ignore his sister's teasing entirely. It was the adult thing to do. Seriously.. Keith? Pul-lease. Who'd wanna date a long haired space cowboy, anyway? Not to mention he was still hung up on..

No. No no no. He was not bringing Allura into this. He wasn't over her.. that he knew. He'd always grieve, but he'd learned enough on his little vacation to realize he needed to start living. And dating.. wasn't something he could let his heart do. Whenever he felt any semblance of romantic notions or urges, his heart did a horrible spasm fuelled by guilt. He just couldn't do it.

And he certainly, never in his life, could picture himself with Keith as a lover. That was just... weird. No matter what crazy dreams he'd had since their time together in space. Keith was his friend, his partner, his brother. He'd sooner shove him into mud and headlock him than treat him to a candlelit dinner. 

Still.. maybe it would be nice to have someone who understood him. Someone to share his life, his days, his heart.

Maybe... but not yet.

\- - -


End file.
